Arguments reveal what we are holding in our hearts. Almost always, arguments grow out of an unmet emotional need.
"Little things like taking the old newspapers out to the garage for recycling is not a big deal to him, but it is to me because I hate a mess. It's kind of a visual thing." What is she saying? One of her emotional needs is to have the house tidy. Mess is emotionally upsetting to her.
The wise person will look for the emotional need behind the argument. Bringing awareness to the situation by asking "Why is my spouse so upset over what seems unimportant to me?" or "Why is my coworker always trying to pick a fight?" The answer to those questions will help you understand the other person. Meeting emotional needs is one way to create a positive climate for communication.
If you would like to understand how to make your relationships more loving and less argumentative, get in touch.
Nicole Wijngaarden, Relationship | Mental Health & Wellbeing Coach Wellington, New Zealand