It's September and the world is talking about Mental Health Awareness - bringing this once taboo subject into the light.
In New Zealand, we have some of the highest self harm and suicide rates in the world. Most recently our beloved ex-TVNZ presenter, Greg Boyed, chose to end his life, just one of the 600 New Zealanders who decided to end their lives in the last 12 months.
It's a sobering thought that our annual suicide rate is twice our annual road death toll. You could well ask "Where are the suicide prevention sign posts, the check points, and the safety belts to make our mental health road trips safer?"
If suicide, attempted or merely contemplated, is the ultimate declaration of unhappiness, then surely it follows that it may have started with a much smaller level of mental dis-ease and discomfort.
Each and every one of us is privately engaged in an ever changing conversation with our inner voice(s), feelings, desires, and thoughts. In fact, formal studies suggest that we have 60,000 - 70,000 thoughts per day, and over 90% of these are similar to the thoughts we had the day before!
We each are constantly, both consciously and unconsciously, comparing our internal mental model to what we perceive to be the real world. When we each detect a discrepancy between what we want and what we have or expect to have, we make the mental choice to accept, deny, or do something about it - and we are each happy or unhappy as a consequence. Unchecked, thousands of discordant thoughts can lead to repeated, self-reinforcing and ultimately destructive feelings.
Fortunately, backed by numerous repeatable scientific studies, proven techniques and tools exist to establish and maintain a healthy, resilient mental state, in the face of the challenges, and the highs and lows that life brings. These approaches can be tailored by each of us, on the basis of what we experience and learn about ourselves, and allow us each to intervene if necessary to adjust the path of self-reinforcing behaviours.
When we each learn to acknowledge and our negative emotions and understand our beliefs around them, we can use proven techniques to build positive feelings and make more coherent and positive choices. We don't need to sacrifice honesty, vulnerability, or privacy to do so.
So, I would like to ask you - Are you or your co-workers experiencing:
My expertise is in supporting people like you, on an individual or group basis, to achieve more and feel better doing so, in and outside of work.
I do so with proven tools and techniques, which you utilise to get to the next level in terms of self-confidence, happiness, and achievement, on a supportive, confidential basis.
Get in touch today for more information!
email@example.com call 044995732 or 02102625148
Arguments reveal what we are holding in our hearts. Almost always, arguments grow out of an unmet emotional need.
"Little things like taking the old newspapers out to the garage for recycling is not a big deal to him, but it is to me because I hate a mess. It's kind of a visual thing." What is she saying? One of her emotional needs is to have the house tidy. Mess is emotionally upsetting to her.
The wise person will look for the emotional need behind the argument. Bringing awareness to the situation by asking "Why is my spouse so upset over what seems unimportant to me?" or "Why is my coworker always trying to pick a fight?" The answer to those questions will help you understand the other person. Meeting emotional needs is one way to create a positive climate for communication.
If you would like to understand how to make your relationships more loving and less argumentative, get in touch.
HeartMath is a not for profit site that researches the link that the heart has to the body and mind. I highly recommend that you have a look at it, if you have an interest in understanding our heart, it is so much more than most of us are currently aware of.
HeartMath Institute has and continues to research and develop reliable, scientifically based tools to help people bridge the connection between their hearts and minds, and deepen their connection with the hearts of others.
A path to personal, social and global coherence. The video is an overview of the amazing and vital role of the heart in our lives, and how our personal energetics shapes our social relationships and ultimately affects global consciousness.
I personally spend a number of hours on the Heartmath.org site and am training to gain HeartMath Coaching Certification which will nicely compliment the mBIT Coaching, and NLP Practitioner certifications I hold.
Let me know what you think of the video in the comments below
What are your morning rituals? Are they the same every day? Do you start your day off in a state of stress or in a state of inner happiness and with an intention of gratitude and the decision that you are going to have an amazing day, each and every day?
It is incredible for me to think how many people, stumble out of bed, do the same thing every day, unaware that their inner dialogue has a profound impact on how they feel and how they go about their day.
So let me ask you, are you aware of your thoughts when you get up in the morning? Did you know that scientists have now discovered that we have between 60-70,000 thoughts a day, most of which we aren't even aware of at a conscious level, although they all have some impact on how we behave and interact with those around us.
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?
Bringing awareness to our thoughts and attitudes as we go about the day, from the moment we get out of bed, will help us shine a light on why our lives may be going in an unwanted direction.
Some people find getting out of bed a challenge, and they don't feel up to being loving or kind until that they drink that first cup of coffee or tea, probably feeling stressed about going to a job that they don't really enjoy, working with people that they don't really like or not making enough money to make living easy. Does that sound like you?
Or maybe you are in a relationship where you are feeling taken for granted, you aren't feeling appreciated, you may feel invisible, maybe your spouse makes work more important, or maybe you are worried that your loved one isn't being faithful.
Or maybe, you or your loved ones spend a large chunk of time on your electronic devices, possibly even in the same room, and so you aren't deeply connecting...
Is it true?
As mentioned earlier in this blog, bringing conscious awareness to our thoughts and feelings means we can identify triggers or behaviours that we may have not noticed previously.
We can then ask a question like "Is this really true" to see if the negative story we are telling ourself is actually true.
More than likely the answer is NO. At least having this awareness, we have a choice. We can choose to continue to feel and behave the way we have done up until now, or we can choose a more positive, happier thought or belief.
Which would make you feel better?
How about today you tell yourself that it's going to be a good day.. Take a few moments and say it to yourself, say it with feeling, bring your awareness down to your heart and say it again, maybe even out loud. Say it LOUD, have a laugh. you may just surprise yourself.
Keep your eye on my page for more snippets of wisdom, I will start posting more regularly going forward.
If you feel that getting coaching may help you find a more helpful direction, get in touch with me.
Nicole Wijngaarden - A student of life's magic
I hope that you have a wonderful day surrounded by family and friends. If you are alone this Christmas, I hope that you enjoy your day and spoil yourself with something special that makes you feel good.
I look forward to sharing further updates in 2018 to help you become the best version of you that you can be.
I have just completed 4 weeks of free coaching sessions from my local cafe in Khandallah, for people from all over Wellington. It was a huge success and some powerful transformations happened for the people who came and had coaching with me.
What people took away from the coaching included -
If you are ready for transformation or new direction, get in touch.
Nicole Wijngaarden, Life & Relationship Coach
Starting on July 4th, 2017, I began a journey to reshape my body. Tired of looking and feeling larger than I was happy with, I decided to take massive ACTION. Now, I am running, swimming, going to the gym and generally walking 10,000 steps most days, I am taking rest days and listening to my body. I am also eating healthier, although I am still keen on some chocolate and my jalapeno corn chips which I am unwilling to give up.
As of yesterday, I have reduced my body size by 5kg which I am thrilled about. The perseverance I have is because I remember what I want to look like. (A photo from my 20s). I am also choosing my mental state which is to really enjoying my runs, although I am a novice and quite slow I am really happy that I am running. When I restarted my C25K app on my phone, I almost had to start from the beginning, and now I am on Week 13 it feels incredible. I feel like my sexier, younger self is coming out to play and I even wore a shortish dress this afternoon. Whoop Whoop!
All in all, this challenge is helping me feel happier and more confident. Come and join me on the journey. I am posting my daily updates to my instagram account "mygoalsnz" If you choose to join me, please let me know, that way we can support each other.
I am a very lucky lady, I have been spoiled by being able to spend a few days with my family and friends over the festive period and have come back from holiday with fresh energy and determination.
My family and I spent some quality time with my mother-in-law and her husband in Wakefield, south of Nelson.
We also did the almost 8 hour drive to Waihi, in the Coromandel where we spent time cycling, walking, swimming and relaxing with our wonderful friends.
Coming home, and sleeping in our own beds is incredible, the small things mean so much sometimes. Taking the time and reflecting on just how lucky I am. I am very grateful!
I am so happy and grateful now that I am so much more aware!
It's incredible to think that a couple of years ago, I was feeling like a complete failure. I lacked confidence, felt lost and without purpose. I wanted more meaning in my life, and although I loved being a mother (it had for the longest time been my only goal) but now needing to grow, but not having found my new direction. Although I felt a calling in my soul, I knew that I too had a purpose bigger than motherhood but I did not know at that time, that it was all inside of me, that I could find what it was and make it happen for myself. What a transformation, when I look back such a short time, relative to my years.
Dreams can become your Reality!
What we can dream and believe, we can achieve!
Does it sound airy fairy / mumbo jumbo?
Maybe, but only for those who have yet to learn it's meaning.
My mission is to help guide and support those of you who want a happier and more fulfilled life. If you are ready to find meaning and purpose, let's talk.
I have been there - I have been lost, depressed, angry, lonely, stuck at home with 4 children and a husband who worked on average 80 hours a week and who was overseas half the year, doing the school runs, dealing with the screaming and the tantrums of my 4 young children, and wondering what else the world had to offer for me or rather what else could I offer?
I was worried that I had no place in the world. My daily thoughts included negative self talk such as "Was all the stress and drama worth it?"
Yes Me Too!
I know that I have found my soul's purpose and it feels wonderful to be able to help others with their journey in life. It's an amazing feeling, because it was only a relatively short time ago when I was saying to myself "Who, me?"
I am not saying that to toot my own horn, I am saying it to inspire you. I have gone from having literally no idea what my purpose was, to knowing my purpose, to not being able to say who I am, to now being able to say who I am, to having more confidence and being able to do so much more in terms of my ability to help serve others and You can Too!
If you would like to find your happiness and you are ready to make the changes so that you don't end up with the same as you've always had, get in touch or follow me on Facebook for inspiration. https://www.facebook.com/MyGoals.co.nz/
I look forward to seeing you on the other side.
The recent flurry of earthquakes around New Zealand, the incredible floods and the destruction of property and roads around Wellington and around the country have once again reminded me once more how precious life is and how easily it can be taken from us.
This week we have been living with the countless aftershocks (over 2000), the aftermath of the SH1 flooding, road and building closures. We can of course focus on how stressful it all is, how inconvenient, and why did this have to happen ... and although this is a natural reaction, a healthier and happier one, is one that I am going to share with you now.
Acknowledging the stress and then I choose to focus on the positive - I am ignoring the drama in the press and am instead feeling incredibly grateful and thankful that our communities leapt into action, working around the clock for the good of us all.
I am so very thankful to those who are: Supporting, inspecting, preparing, repairing and washing away the reminders of the devastation, who are rescuing and helping out. Yes we have so much to be grateful for.
To me, the fact that most of our loved ones are unhurt, and that we only had 2 deaths is incredible. This was 7.8 magnitude earthquake, the biggest earthquake in 150 years. The what if scenarios that I have been running through my head, have been in the thousands.
Enough is enough - I choose to be extremely grateful! I am grateful for the civil defence teams, the road workers, the engineers, the council staff and the scores of people who are volunteering their time to ease our stress, to help rescue people, feed them, fix our roads, our buildings and to keep us safe.
I am incredibly grateful that I have my family and friends to turn to and to all those who checked in with me just after the earthquake struck. I am grateful that my family are safe, my house is still standing, that everything survived the big shake.
If we all choose to think about all that we are grateful for right now instead of focusing on the stress, and if we choose to share our gratitude with those who are maybe still feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed, maybe we can all help someone feel a little bit calmer and happier today.
Some ideas to help others:
Make time to listen to their story
Tell them something that you are grateful for
Call someone that you love today
Help out within your community.
Make the time to LIVE in this moment, Right now! Look outside, take a big breath, then close your eyes and take a moment to realise how lucky you are. I know that I am feeling incredibly LUCKY right now.
We all go through challenging times, it is a part of life. Although it's ok to feel bad for a short time as we come to terms with the challenge, there are things that we can do to get back on a positive track.
To help ourselves, it can be useful to take a few minutes to ask ourselves whether continuing to feel bad serves ourselves, does feeling bad serve a positive purpose? Ask yourself "Why am I choosing to feel bad about this?" and listen to the answer. Acknowledge the answer and then ....
When you are ready to move forward in a positive direction, consider these questions and write down the answers -
So, hopefully you have completed the questions above. Yes? Well done!
Go and do something that makes you happy, go and have fun right now!
If you would like one on one coaching, get in touch today.
Nicole Wijngaarden, Relationship | Mental Health & Wellbeing Coach Wellington, New Zealand